Ever wondered how to tell if your girlfriend is a spy? A viral comedy video has the answer, in the form of a gloriously silly flowchart. It mocks recent reports that foreign spies are seducing Silicon Valley workers to steal tech secrets. Unsurprisingly, AI workers come off worst.
The creator walks viewers through the chart one question at a time. “This is the chart that will tell you,” he promises.
How do you tell if your girlfriend is a spy?
The chart starts with one simple question: what do you do for work? From there, it splits into three paths. You either work in AI, work in crypto or work for the government.
Each route comes with its own set of increasingly ridiculous questions. By the end, almost everyone turns out to be dating a spy, an investor or, worse, a tax inspector.
What if you work in AI?
AI workers face the toughest questions. First, is she a 10? If so, the chart’s verdict is instant: she’s a spy.
If not, the next question is whether your company is worth more than $100 million. If it isn’t, you’re probably safe. However, if she isn’t a good listener either, the chart warns she might be a venture capital associate instead, which the creator calls “even worse.”
For workers at bigger AI companies, there’s one final test. Did she tell you your GPU is the biggest she’s ever seen? If she did, she’s a spy. Fittingly, GPUs have become hot property lately, with Big Tech stockpiling AI hardware while gamers struggle to buy graphics cards.
What about crypto and government workers?
Crypto workers get their own path. The chart asks whether your partner will happily insult Kim Jong-un. If she won’t, she’s a spy. If she will, there’s one more question: have you made more than $100,000 in crypto? If you have, the chart warns, she’s actually an IRS agent.
Government workers, meanwhile, need to watch for two warning signs. Does she avoid talking about Taiwan? Does she ask about classified documents? A yes to either means trouble. If both answers are no, the chart offers a different explanation: she’s just “hoping you get to your pension.”
Is your girlfriend a spy, or just a VC?
The joke works because it plays on very real tech culture. Startup founders are often surrounded by investors, recruiters and networking events. As a result, the chart suggests that in Silicon Valley, the line between romance and business can get blurry.
It also pokes fun at the industry’s sense of self-importance. In the creator’s world, every AI engineer assumes their GPU cluster is worth stealing, which isn’t entirely unfair. AI companies are now among the most valuable in the world, and models like OpenAI’s GPT-6 Astra keep making headlines.
Where did the joke come from?
The video riffs on a real report. Last year, The Times claimed that China and Russia were using what it called “sex warfare” to target American tech workers. According to the report, attractive operatives would approach employees to gain access to trade secrets. In some cases, they allegedly even married their targets.
As TechSpot reported, experts also described other tactics, such as unusual LinkedIn approaches and foreign investment in startups. The story spread quickly online, where it was widely mocked. Elon Musk also reportedly joked about it, with posts about whether a woman being “a 10” was a warning sign.
Should tech workers really worry their girlfriend is a spy?
For almost everyone, no. The chart is a joke, and the vast majority of relationships involve no espionage at all.
Still, the real concern behind it is serious. Experts estimate that trade secret theft costs the US billions every year, and companies do train staff to spot suspicious approaches. Fortunately, most people’s secrets are much less exciting than a top-secret AI model.
In the end, the video is a funny reminder of how strange the AI boom has become. If your girlfriend has never mentioned your GPU, you can probably relax.